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Sarcastic phrases
you would like to say to customers
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Customer: Wait!
Let me try something.
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Tech: Sure,
you just go ahead and you do what you want.
Don’t follow my suggestions at all. What the
fuck would I know about this product anyway?
I am only here to wait to see if what you
are trying works.
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Customer: You
mean, you don’t know the answer?
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Tech: Sure I
do! I know every answer to every question.
Especially when it comes to your third party
piece of shit software. That’s why we are
working this job. Lord knows I would not want
to be anywhere else right now than talking
with you. Sure, I could get a job that pays
more as a network administrator with this
knowledge, but why would I do that?
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Customer: I
think I deserve a free computer! I have suffered
through these problems enough! Can you send
me a free one?
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Tech: Sure,
our company prides itself on just giving away
thousands of dollars worth of computer equipment.
How else can we make it up to customers like
you that fuck up their computer by installing
4 versions of AOL on it. Just hold on a moment
while I pull that out of my ass for you.
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Customer: Don’t
you guys have a toll-free number?
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Tech: Absolutely!
We have a secret toll-free number for only
“special” customers such as yourself. Didn’t
you get the secret email with this information?
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Customer: Why
did I have to hold so long? I was on hold
for over an hour waiting for somebody to take
my call.
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Tech: I’m so
sorry! I did not realize you were going to
call today. I should have told all of the
other customers to call back later so that
I could hear you complain.
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Customer: Can
I speak with your manager?
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Tech: I am the
manager! In fact, I own this entire company.
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"From http://www.helpdesktech.com
- Dedicated to the disgruntled helpdesk professional"
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