People + Cars = Idiots on Wheels

Some people should just not be allowed to operate vehicles. After only driving a few years, this is how I've decided to categorize different slow driver types.

Slow Drivers

- The Perfect Citizen: Prideful, stubborn, and always obeying the speed limit by driving right at or just below the speed limit, holds of up traffic, but never starts to speed when you have to pass them. Easiest to deal with.

- The Distracted Slow Driver: Be it a man or a woman who is babbling on their cellphone, reaching over to grab something from the back or other side of the car, picking their nose, putting on makeup, or just doing anything that involves not fully paying attention to the road... these people are ones you have to worry about more than most. They tend to swerve, drive slow, not signal, and can't seem to be capable of just staying focused on the task of driving. Trying to pass one of these people could be dangerous if they have trouble staying in their own lane.

- The Sudden Pride Asshole: He starts out driving so slow you feel like ramming your car into his, and then when you decide you need to pass him, as you speed up in the next lane to get past him, all of the sudden he finds his accelerator and starts to drive faster, making it harder to pass him. All of the sudden he has this pride issue... wanting so much to prove to you that he doesn't always drive that slow, and that YOU can't be in front of him because it would make him look bad.

- The Driving Dead: Old, zombified, crusty, half asleep, and/or dead, these people need their own snooze lane. Not realizing at all that they aren't the only ones on the road, these people drive horribly slow due to lack of consideration for other drivers, fear of the road, a rotting brain, or because they're stuck with a car that can't accelerate fast enough to save their life. They're the kind of cars that look like a big rear-ending accident waiting to happen, but never seem to have any damage on them surprisingly.

- Fresh Born Drivers: Young, just learning how to drive, totally forgiven.

- Low Rider/Cruiser: Normally I call these "hoopties" but basically I'm talking about usually beat up looking older cars that have been lowered and modified in other ways, not to enhance acceleration, but to get attention. They're usually old Pontiacs, Cadillacs, Buicks or Oldsmobiles with hydraulics and widened tires, and they tend to drive much slower... as if to impress a crowd with their amazing abilities to bounce and/or show off their wonderful sound systems that rattle their cars like soup cans.