Hello everyone. I am Chris, Rosalyn's significant other, and this is my first post. I just wanted to try something new(weblogging) and had a few thoughts to share.

A while back I started worrying about my health. I began eliminating a lot from my diet. I quit caffeine, candy, and junk food. I started eating a low carb diet. In two months I have lost 50lbs. Now I know this sounds impossible but it may be related to my illness. I cannot stop losing weight. It may all be fat, but I am scared that if I am losing muscle that it will eventually take its toll on my heart. I don't have health insurance to go to a doctor. I research night and day on my illness. I suffer from a bowel disorder that causes me to lose control. It's really hard for me to go to work because I am scared of embarassment and also because when I get stressed my stomach cramps up with unbelievable pain and pressure. This isn't something that occasionally happens that comes and goes, but something I live with day to day. Most people do not understand. They think I should just take immodium and it should just go away. I can't go anywhere without worrying. I couldn't have ever imagined something like this holding me back in life. If it would just go away then the world would be mine. I have learned not to take life for granted. That is the only hope I have and the only thing that helps me from not going insane that if this would just go away I could have everything I have ever wanted out of life. If this would just one day go away I would be the kind of guy that works 80 hours a week, goes to school, busts his ass, and gives back more than what anyone expected. Unfortunately I am losing hope. I am really scared I may die soon and no one will ever get to see the the amazing things I'm capable of doing. I cannot believe that it takes something like this to wake up and realize that you can be whatever you want to be in this world. I see other people with their problems that make them unhappy like weight, looks, and not having what they want and I can't understand what's holding them back so much. i don't care if I had to be ugly to make this problem go away. It wouldn't make me unhappy. I feel like if this problem went away I would just go anywhere and do anything. I have nothing to lose now, I have lost most of it anyway. Life can only get better for me. Nowing that, I am just waiting for my chance at using what I have learned.

The only thing I have in this world is Rosalyn. When she looks at me she reminds me that I am a good person when I forget just by the way she looks at me. I really want to make Rosalyn proud and I want everyone to see how great of a guy she ended up with when I get better.