The Top 14 Worst Things to Say at Your Trial

"Wait! It's a little tight, but... Yes! The glove *does* fit!"

"I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Satan, Lord of Eternal Hellfire."

"Don't worry, Your Honor -- it ain't loaded."

"I request a change of venue to Virginia. No, wait, Texas."

"I got your DNA right here, pal!"

"Oh yeah? You and what jury?"

"Is this gonna take long? 'Cause I really gotta run by the store and pick up some more formaldehyde."

"Liar! You couldn't have seen me, I was wearing a mask!"

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Naw, I'm just joking. Bring that bible back up here."

"You call these friggin' boneheads a jury of my peers?"

"Rape and murder? Absolutely not, Your Honor. At least, not in that order."

"Your Honor, with your permission, I'd like to play the race card now."

"Who died and made you Mr. I-Decide-The-Law?"

and the Number 1 Worst Thing to Say at Your Trial...


"Hey, who do I have to stab to get a glass of water around here?"